I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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