how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
