you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
