you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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