sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
