We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
try to milk me bitch
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
