Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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