Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
