dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
