she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
