I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
