there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
