Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
