just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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