You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
