I have demons in me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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