I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
