I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
