4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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