I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dear god my vagina.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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