How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
