Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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