Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
