Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
