What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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