You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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