I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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