I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
God I need to hump something, right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
