I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
