Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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