someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My dick has a subreddit
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
