careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Barsexuality is the new black.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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