I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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