Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
