imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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