Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
