Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
