I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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