So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wear drunk well.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
