ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
