the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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