I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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