He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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