so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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