Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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