I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
