I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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