i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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