hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
