she smelled like a LAN party
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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