Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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