You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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