Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
