i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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