I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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