I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
