We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
