legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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