yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
